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All of these news items are satire, but obviously, with a kernel of truth touching on systemic issues with Philadelphia's broken political process and the way its affects our built environment and its residents.
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🚍 Bus Revolution Now Just a Series of Signs Encouraging Riders to "Have a Nice Day"
After receiving more than 5,000 comments on the revised Draft Network, SEPTA's Bus Revolution team went back to the drawing board for it's latest plan to improve ridership.
🏠➡️0️⃣ Philadelphia Abolishes Single-Family Zoning... in Favor of Zero-Family Zoning
Bucking national trends toward legalizing apartment buildings, Philadelphia demonstrates its independence with this innovative zoning policy.
In a statement co-signed by all of City Council, "Protecting our zero-family neighborhoods will preserve neighborhood character, and prevent displacement of these vulnerable communities."
"For too long, our zero-family communities have been voiceless and powerless against an influx of people who want to live in houses."
"With our new zero-family household overlay, Philadelphians will rest easier knowing their drive to the corner store won't be impeded by human beings."
📉 OEM Releases New Color-Coded System to Display How Sad Mayor Kenny Is
🗑️ Sentient Big Belly Trash Can Begs to be Put out of its Misery
Fourteen years after their initial roll-out, one of the $4,000 solar-powered, compacting, smart waste receptacles gained sentience and constantly screams for the sweet release of death.
🗳️ After a 27-month Vacancy, Philadelphia Votes to Fill Position of Mayor
🚬 SEPTA Unveils New Wayfinding System Enabling Riders to Identify Station by Smell
5th Square is Philadelphia's urbanist political action committee.
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