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All of these news items are satire, but obviously, with a kernel of truth touching on systemic issues with Philadelphia's broken political process and the way its affects our built environment and its residents.
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🚍 Bus Revolution Now Just a Series of Signs Encouraging Riders to "Have a Nice Day"
After receiving more than 5,000 comments on the revised Draft Network, SEPTA's Bus Revolution team went back to the drawing board for it's latest plan to improve ridership.
🏠➡️0️⃣ Philadelphia Abolishes Single-Family Zoning... in Favor of Zero-Family Zoning
Bucking national trends toward legalizing apartment buildings, Philadelphia demonstrates its independence with this innovative zoning policy.
In a statement co-signed by all of City Council, "Protecting our zero-family neighborhoods will preserve neighborhood character, and prevent displacement of these vulnerable communities."
"For too long, our zero-family communities have been voiceless and powerless against an influx of people who want to live in houses."
"With our new zero-family household overlay, Philadelphians will rest easier knowing their drive to the corner store won't be impeded by human beings."
📉 OEM Releases New Color-Coded System to Display How Sad Mayor Kenny Is
🗑️ Sentient Big Belly Trash Can Begs to be Put out of its Misery
Fourteen years after their initial roll-out, one of the $4,000 solar-powered, compacting, smart waste receptacles gained sentience and constantly screams for the sweet release of death.
🗳️ After a 27-month Vacancy, Philadelphia Votes to Fill Position of Mayor
🚬 SEPTA Unveils New Wayfinding System Enabling Riders to Identify Station by Smell
5th Square is Philadelphia's urbanist political action committee.
We're an all-volunteer grassroots organization advocating for safe and affordable transportation, abundant housing, and more and better public spaces. You’re receiving this email if you signed up via our website, attended one of our events, or supported one of our advocacy campaigns.